treeve
Major Contributor
Anyone that takes another human being into their lives has to face the fact that it either lasts or it does not. It either runs smoothly or it does not. A marriage (or partnership) finally ends in one or other partner being left alone, with the devastation and emptiness, trying to find a levelground and to have the confidence to place one's feet on that ground, finding some kind of balance. With the mix of human nature, of irrational relationship demands (often driven by media hype), of perceived imperfections (also often driven media hype) and the finality of the end of our season on Earth, as Cher puts it, 'In the end we all sleep alone.'
From one who is there, just crawling out of The Pit, something that is very clear to me is that there is nothing to comfort or sort out the tangled threads. Oh yes, counselling and all that, officers in bereavement, and all that .... I quote 'Anytime you have a problem, give us a call, here is my telephone number' . That is the most impersonal offer, the limp handshake. One of the last things in the mind, when in difficulties of any kind, is to phone a stranger and discuss what is going on. Like picking up a book and dipping in to read a chapter in isolation in the middle of the book, taken at random. I can remember a time when something drastic happened, when people called at the house and, no excuses, they walked in, sat down and talked. To make matters worse, staff now take courses in 'bereavement' - what will they know of the situation except in clinical terms? There is nothing that can possibly describe the innermost feelings of that person. I am not making this statement as a personal bleat. It is the same for those whose relationship is breaking or has broken. It is all glib and trite extracts from the counsellor's guide to relationship. When it comes right down to it, unless a person has a mother to support them, or a close friend, life with the relatioship in tatters or ended totally sucks and the future seems non-existent and only accessible through an impenetrable wall of concrete and barbed wire.
It is hard enough losing a partner through the natural process of death, but when a partner has left through choice, that leaves the one behind with the immense sense of rejection, with no confidence at all in the self.
One of the big problems is that Society does rather frown on deep or emotional subjects in conversation, believing it is soppy or even worse, a bloke should not cry, carry on, time will heal and all the other well meant but frankly useless platitudes. Embarrassment, bravado, and the constant lie ... 'I'm OK', when he/she is screaming with pain, anger and all the other tirade of emotions that beset the soul. To 'Move On' requires more than encouragement. It requires personal dedication, courage beyond personal power and it requires 'tools' and 'weapons' of personal conviction, the ability to be aware and learn from experience and to seize what opportunity is found.
It is my belief that people tend not to talk enough about things that matter.
What do you think?
From one who is there, just crawling out of The Pit, something that is very clear to me is that there is nothing to comfort or sort out the tangled threads. Oh yes, counselling and all that, officers in bereavement, and all that .... I quote 'Anytime you have a problem, give us a call, here is my telephone number' . That is the most impersonal offer, the limp handshake. One of the last things in the mind, when in difficulties of any kind, is to phone a stranger and discuss what is going on. Like picking up a book and dipping in to read a chapter in isolation in the middle of the book, taken at random. I can remember a time when something drastic happened, when people called at the house and, no excuses, they walked in, sat down and talked. To make matters worse, staff now take courses in 'bereavement' - what will they know of the situation except in clinical terms? There is nothing that can possibly describe the innermost feelings of that person. I am not making this statement as a personal bleat. It is the same for those whose relationship is breaking or has broken. It is all glib and trite extracts from the counsellor's guide to relationship. When it comes right down to it, unless a person has a mother to support them, or a close friend, life with the relatioship in tatters or ended totally sucks and the future seems non-existent and only accessible through an impenetrable wall of concrete and barbed wire.
It is hard enough losing a partner through the natural process of death, but when a partner has left through choice, that leaves the one behind with the immense sense of rejection, with no confidence at all in the self.
One of the big problems is that Society does rather frown on deep or emotional subjects in conversation, believing it is soppy or even worse, a bloke should not cry, carry on, time will heal and all the other well meant but frankly useless platitudes. Embarrassment, bravado, and the constant lie ... 'I'm OK', when he/she is screaming with pain, anger and all the other tirade of emotions that beset the soul. To 'Move On' requires more than encouragement. It requires personal dedication, courage beyond personal power and it requires 'tools' and 'weapons' of personal conviction, the ability to be aware and learn from experience and to seize what opportunity is found.
It is my belief that people tend not to talk enough about things that matter.
What do you think?