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The Book Of Ern

Discussion in 'Lescudjack School' started by Halfhidden, Jan 12, 2016.

By Halfhidden on Jan 12, 2016 at 8:51 PM
  1. Halfhidden

    Halfhidden Untouchable Staff Member Administrator

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    Previously unseen this document has been uncovered that gives an interesting view of the change to the comprehensive system and the effect on Lescudjack School, the staff and the pupils.
    It was written by the teaching staff over a period of three years to finally become The Book of Ern.


    Chapter 1 (written in 1980)

    And it came to pass that the prophet Kingsley descended upon the tribes of Penwith and saith unto the High Priests and Heads of the people, "Lo! There shall be amongst you a great Re-organising, and ye shalt throw down all false gods; yea, even the gods Eleven Plus and Grammar shalt ye cast out."
    And among some there was rejoicing, but among the many there was weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth.
    And in the house of LesCudJack also there was turmoil, and the people pondered as to which way they might turn, for their ways were set, and changes wanted they not.
    And it was decreed that O-Wens, which is known as Taff, should depart therefrom across the Causeway into foreign lands, and that with him should go both Robbie and Susan, that they might succour him in his old age and in his time of need, and that forthwith he should go and spy upon the heathen for two days of each week.
    And David, son of Horton, should be sent unto the barbarians of the Western lands, that they might hear the word and the ways of LesCudJack.
    But Beryl, and Marian, and Margaret, were appointed to be priestesses in the most high temple of Penwith.
    And Elaine and John were sent to prepare pastures new, where they might separate the sheep from the goats, and look after the crooks.
    Notwithstanding, many should remain, and the prophet decreed that the people of PenSans, because they were bloody clots, should coagulate, and that henceforth they should be known as Humpty Dumpty, that their numbers might increase and multiply, yea, even until they become as the sands of the desert. And great was the confusion. But, when the prophet had appointed unto them a High Priestess, and her assistants, then from on high he showered them with gifts of Holy papers, covered with mystic writings, which many received, but few comprehended, though all pondered. And lo, the counsellors assembled and they chose captains to lead the tribes, and the manner of their choosing was a great mystery unto the people, for even the priestess Iris was not chosen, notwithstanding that she alone knew the secret of the herrings in each cran.

    Chapter2 (Written in 1982)


    And many questions were asked, but few were answered, and the people murmured amongst themselves and wondered what might befall -
    - would it now be that the captains Marcus, and CurNow and Tonkin might now appear betimes?
    - and what should befall the temple of the god "Three No Trumps?"
    - and who now should minister unto the tea bags?
    And there was consternation in the land.
    And it came to pass that the tribes of LesCudJack, that their neighbours might see that they were unafraid, gathered by the sea shore and rejoiced, yea, even in the presence of the spy Noddy rejoiceth they, and there was feasting and wassailing, and they sang songs of praise each unto the other than none might forget their past deeds. But, in their songs, they heaped calumnies upon their own elders, yea, even upon Will which is known as Cock, and upon Ern known as Jan. But their elders, being merciful and wise, punisheth them not, for they knew they were but as little children. And Ern, breathing heavily as was his wont, spake unto the multitude, saying, "Mock ye not; mock not, O ye of little faith, for behold, I am the servant of the most high, the one true timetable, that shall order thy goings out and thy comings in from henceforth, and verily I say unto you, that neither shall thy classes diminish, neither shall thy non-contact modules increase, but thou shalt labour in the halls of Humpty Dumpty from this time forth and for evermore.



    Chapter 3 (written 1983)

    Now - it came to pass that in the days of Norman the prophet, Will and Ern goeth unto the High Priestess of Humpty Dumpty and sayeth unto her, "Behold! the time hath come that we should betake ourselves unto our tents, that our wives may succour us in our dotage; for we are old, and weary; our memory and our patience faileth us; the young men and maidens of the tribe knoweth that we are set in our ways and changeth not unto the new - and there is no help in us.

    And Margaret answered, saying, "So be it!" And unto Will she sayeth, "Verily, a new high priest must be appointed in thy stead." And notwithstanding that Will's voice was still sweet that he might have shouted the tidings afar, the prophet ordered Matthew and his other acolytes to send messages abroad, that those who felt able should come to Humpty Dumpty that the elders might consider them. And the elders met, and deliberated, and when they had completed their magic rites, which are a mystery unto all the people, they decreed that Ian, a stranger from the barbarian lands to the east, be appointed, and be initiated into the mysteries of the bulletin, and the Upper and the Lower, and the other secrets of the tribe.
    And they appointed John that he might take charge of the Lower orders, and look after the keys.

    But unto Ern they sayeth, "Lo, the numbers of the tribe decrease, and another can polish the image of the most high, the one true timetable - thy job is done, and none need take thy place."
    But, when the people heard the tidings, they cried out, saying:

    Tell it not in Treneere
    Publish it not in the streets of Pare wartha
    Lest the sons of the Colinseyites rejoice,
    Lest the daughters of Penalverne triumph.
    From the dawn of each day; from the first to the last;
    The clipboard of Ern was always there,
    The diaries of Will were never empty.
    Will and Ern were placid and merciful all their days,
    And when they left they were not divided.
    Now are the ancients fallen, and the methods of old perished.

    Notwithstanding, the tribe gathered by the sea shore and made wassail, and rejoiced with Will and Ern that they might live in peace - and they showered them with kind words, and gifts, that their memories of the tribe should not fade. And Will and Ern thanked them from the bottom of their hearts, saying:

    "Long may the tribe of Humpty Dumpty flourish - may thy numbers incease, may thy non-contact periods never grow less, and may thou serve the one true timetable faithfully from this time forth and for evermore."

    Here endeth the reading. 1983
     

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Discussion in 'Lescudjack School' started by Halfhidden, Jan 12, 2016.

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