Christmas cracker jokes 2009

Halfhidden

Halfhidden

Untouchable
Administrator
Why do cows lie down in the rain.
To keep each udder dry!

What do hedgehogs have for lunch?
Prickled onions.

What do you call a train full of toffee?
A chew chew train.

What do you call a horse in pyjamas?
A Zebra.

Why did the cow wear a bell?
Because the horn didn't work.

What do ghosts eat?
Gouglash.

What do you call two robbers?
A pair of knickers.

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg.

::11:

Has anyone else got cracker jokes?
 
rrrrrrichie

rrrrrrichie

Member
Why don't robots have brothers?
Because they all have trans-sisters.

What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole.

What clothes do lawyers wear in court?
Lawsuits.

What does a vampire have for breakfast?
Readyneck.

What did the sea say to the land?
Nothing, he just waved.

If a crocodile skin makes a pair of shoes, what do you make from a banana skin?
Slippers.

Why did the Rooster crow before daybreak?
His cluck was too fast.

Which are the cleverest sweets?
Smarties.

What sort of song would a ghost sing?
A haunting melody.

What do dogs and trees have in common?
Bark.
 
treeve

treeve

Major Contributor
So the professors all went by the underground ...
A real tube of smarties ....

What shakes and shivers on the bottom of the sea ...
a nervous wreck ....
 
Last edited:
missp

missp

Senior Member
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Do-you-think-he-saw-us

Whats long and green and always points north?
A magnetic cucmber

What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of Quackery

Why are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night

Where are the andes?
At the end of your armies

Whats worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with sore feet?
 
CHILLYWILLY

CHILLYWILLY

Active Member
Christmas Cracker Jokes

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!

Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!

What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!

Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

What do snowmen where on their heads?
Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
25 The Christmas alphabet has "no L"!

What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!

What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!

Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

::11:
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom